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Post-Divorce Relationship Advice from a Colorado Springs Family Law Attorney

Friday, 22 January 2010

As a Colorado Springs family law attorney, I am acutely aware of how the unfinished business between divorcing couples can extend far beyond the final Decree of Divorce.  If you are getting a divorce, you might believe that all your problems will miraculously disappear as soon as your divorce is finalized.  But while that piece of paper may resolve your legal obligations to one another, be prepared for the stress of your post-divorce relationship.

The reason why you are getting divorced may determine the type of relationship you will have with your ex after the final papers are signed.  Some people don’t have much of a relationship with their ex-spouse, especially those who were only married for a short time and never had children.  But other people aren’t so lucky. 

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If you are sharing custody of minor children, you inevitably will need to deal with your ex, your ex-extended family, and your ex’s new boyfriend/girlfriend for the foreseeable future.  For this reason, it makes sense to be conscious of your “hot button issues” and some of the potential problems that may arise.  If you don’t, you may be joining your ex-spouse in an extended game of finger-pointing for years to come. 

Here are some of the top reasons people get divorced.   Each one can have a different affect your post-divorce relationship.

  • Money: If you fought over money during your marriage, don’t expect that to change much when you are divorced.  The only difference is now you will be fighting over child support payments and how to teach your kids about money.
  • Infidelity: If one of you was unfaithful during the marriage, then you could have a hard time with trust issues after divorce. Don’t be surprised if the unfaithful spouse tells his or her whole family (and your children) that you ignored their needs and drove them into the arms of another.  If you are expecting the sympathy of your former in-laws after a divorce, you will be disappointed, even if you really deserve it.
  • Lack of commitment / Change in priorities: People who get divorced because one or both of them lacked the commitment to put their marriage first, there may be some bumps in the road when it comes to raising children.  It may be difficult for the custodial parent to get the non-custodial parent involved in their children’s lives.
  • Addictions / Abuse:  While addictions to drugs or alcohol are not connected in the eyes of the court, they do play a similar role in post-divorce relationships because of how they affect the abusive / addicted parent's time with their children.  Whenever supervised visitation is a part of the custody order, families have a difficult time maintaining normal relationships. 

Whatever your reason for getting divorced, and how those differences may affect your ability to deal with your ex, it is incumbent upon both of you to make a cohesive and manageable parenting plan that minimizes future disagreements.  A Colorado Springs family law attorney can help you create a plan that minimizes post-divorce stress on you and your family. 

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MPatMarrisonFor over a quarter century, we have helped people during what is often the darkest time in their lives. Divorce is not easy even under the best of circumstances. For most people, family is central. Having something go wrong in the family can have a ripple effect that extends beyond the home and into other areas.

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